


A study in purple

by MINDinINK



Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Agents of SHIELD, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, Clint Barton Feels, Drabble, Established Relationship, Hawkeye - Freeform, M/M, Memories, Past Child Abuse, Regrets, it‘s not easy being Clint Barton, nightly thoughts, very short story, winterhawk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 20:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30145251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MINDinINK/pseuds/MINDinINK
Summary: Clint sits alone in his SHIELD quarters. Staring at his tac suit he muses over the color he wears in battle- blue and red mixed into purple, telling the story of his life.I suck at summaries and this is super short.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	A study in purple

It was so silent one could hear a pin drop. Sitting on the single bed in his quarters of SHIELD HQ in the early morning hours, he stared straight ahead. Dressed in only sweatpants, his torso bare, his eyes were glued to his tac suit hanging from the door of the small closet across from him. Dark purple sewn together with black pieces, made of leather and teflon components and whatever else Stark had come up with.

The black wasn‘t important. The purple was.

A color mixed of blue and red- the story of his life. There were days when he looked at the purple and all he could see was the red in it. Red like the blood of the people who had died by his hand, because someone ranking high in SHIELD had commanded it and red like the blood of all the countless people he had not been able to save despite all his efforts. The same color reflecting the anger he could not let go of. Even after all these years, after decades that had gone by, the anger about his father ruining his life at the youngest age and about his brother, who had left him behind after everything. Who he had loved as the only person.

Then there were days when his mind went dark and the blue sprung to his face. Blue like the bruises he had carried all over his body for all his childhood and young teenage years. The other shades of blue- like policemen and EMTs digging people out of rubble and debris after the Avengers had blown half a city to bits. Blue Iike the tiled floor in the freezing cold storage room of his father‘s butcher shop where he had been forced to work if he ever wanted to get something to eat. The floor he had ended up on at multiple occasions, usually with blood dripping from his nose and a split lip after yet another hard hit from his drunk father.

Blue and red.

The red would always come up now and then. After a lost battle or a long mission that was labeled accomplished for the right person dying. It was a fact- the blood on his hands. Nothing could justify that or talk it down, he had killed, he was an assassin in every sense of the word.

The blue he had known though- it had faded. Instead of black eyes in the mirror and flashing police light, the blue had gained a new meaning, more often looking back at him than the red.

The shade of his bright eyes jumped to his mind when he stared at the purple in moments like this- after a battle, body covered in scratches and sore in various places. That blue that always seemed to be alive and moving when he looked into his eyes. The blue of the sky as he remembered it from laying on the roof of the tower with him, talking about all the big and little things, laughing about the senseless and appreciating the seemingly meaningless. The most joyful part of his life.

He closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, exhaled, then opened his eyes and looked at the suit- bluish purple. It was in fact true- the color was telling his life story, but the meaning of blue had changed. The red would never fade, the hate for his father a big part of his past, just like the fact he couldn‘t save everyone, but the blue was stronger now.

Instead of reminding him of what had been, it now told him what he had. It reminded him of what he was fighting for, what he had found and fought for to protect. The blue bound his past to his future, all stitched together with him in the middle. Lessons learned, things yet to find out and free spaces for new memories and experiences, for people to make an impact on his life and Bucky to remind him that life could, in fact, be good.

His second skin. Red and Blue merged to a color like his personality.

Definitely more blue than red.

Yes, more blue now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I‘d appreciate any kind of feedback


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